is it happy or crappy heart day?

Keep the explosions at work

So friend, what are your thoughts on Valentines day? Do you get excited or bitter? Are you joyfully celebrating or trying to forget? I know for a long time I had it all wrong and I was bitter. Every commercial showing velvety roses and gooey assorted chocolates was a reminder that I was lacking something. I would become cynical at the romance movies.

What was my problem? I guess you could say it all came down to fear. I had an idea or saw someone else's interpretation of love in action and noted each time that mine looked different. My fear was that he didn't care about me. I feared it so much that I made a full time job of looking for it.  I threw those hurts in my heart at my husband and he interpreted it in ways that said " he did not have what it takes" . That kind of stuff keeps a guy from trying.

Warrior has said things in the past like " I just can't win" and I hated hearing that. You know something, it was true. If he did do something I graded it too small or felt in my attitude that if he loved me he would have went an extra mile. I showed ungratefulness and I didn't make him feel like a hero.

He wasn't perfect and he has made mistakes. But my expectations were far too grand. I expected him to do what only God can do for me. To know me deeply and anticipate my needs. To rescue me from myself and think ahead and warn me. To have a plan and to never fail. What I am describing is a Savior not a husband.

Now that I fully know the difference I can really celebrate a deep love for my husband. I am more in love with warrior than I ever was. I am trying hard to stop my expectations and just see him as he is. He is incredible. I still battle that fear, but I take it to God.

I will show you what that looks like:
Lord,
I feel forgotten and unloved. I don't understand why my husband didn't think about (be specific here). Show me how to be a wife with this situation, it really hurts and stinks. Open my eyes and if I am wrong show me. Make this marriage as you want it.
In Jesus' name,
Amen

Can I tell you that more than once God has rocked my world after something like that! Give him your stuff. He wants it and he can make something really beautiful out of the ugly. Give him the deep fears and hurts because He and only He can make something brand new.

Check out this link: http://www.incourage.me/?author=31 the author Ann Voskamp gets a woman's heart. She is a huge overcomer and speaks hope into marriage. This link explains too well why we get so angry and what we are really saying. Love her!

Lord,
I am specifically asking for blessing for the hearts of the wives that love these EOD  men. You know where each one of them are and what they are dealing with. Help us to see our husbands with Your eyes. Lord sometimes all we see are commercials and romance movies and not a real breathing person that You love. Restore our thinking when it has gone wrong. Bless these homes and let these ladies see the love that you and their husbands have for them.
In Jesus' name,
Amen

Warrior, if you are reading this. I need to say that you are my hero and I am so sorry for holding you to expectations that I invented. I love you and I like who you are.

Initial sucess or total failure?

This familiar motto does not describe my marriage. I heard on the radio (www.lote./) this week that the divorce rate after deployment is now at 80%.
It hit me in very deep places. In places not frequently talked about. Places of truth. It so could've been me. Yes, we were that close. But we overcame and we were renewed. I want to scream at people that it is possible. To tell them that God is bigger than this and it can be fixed. Do you feel like your marriage is a failure? I have been there. Praying hope and wanting to send you encouragement. I get the hardship of an EOD marriage, at least from the wife side. It can be good and I plan to show you how. Will you renew your mind?

Lord,
You are bigger than statistics and You desire to rebuild families. Give hope to any EOD marriage that is ready to give up. Speak Your healing restoration into hurting hearts. All this is possible with you.
In Jesus name,
Amen

Believe me friend, whatever you are facing it can be good. Maybe not easy but good.